• Brenda Cochran

Something to Consider: How To Accept Our Losses?


The number of losses hundreds of people have endured during the past two months includes not only loved ones, but homes and cars along with hundreds of precious things. Many of these losses have brought heart-ache and the knowledge that the losses cannot be replaced. How can such losses that mean so much be accepted?


The question is, what does it mean to accept a loss? Acceptance does not mean that people do not feel gored or right about the loss. Most never feel OK about losing a loved one. This type of loss is about accepting the fact that a new reality cannot be changed. It is about seeing how this new reality will impact lives.


The process of grief has been described as having stages of grief or cycles. These stages can be fluid, but they have characteristics that people experience as they process loss and adjustment. The individual passes from denial, to anger and bargaining. Then they are likely to fall from bargaining into depression before they are able to turn corners to a more positive state. There are some people that move through the stages in a different order, others do not experience each stage.


The final stage of grief is acceptance. In this last stage, an individual begins to come to grips with their own mortality, that of a loved one, or the circumstances of a tragic loss. Of all the stages, this one has the most fluctuation nature, but it also is dependent on much of the individual. The person who is dying may reach this stage much earlier than the love one who is left behind. This disconnect can cause a very troubling and an uneasy time for the loved one.


Think about accepting a loss. It doesn’t mean that you are going to ignore the loss, in other words acceptance does not mean forgetfulness. Acceptance also does not mean that we will slip back into denial pertaining that it will not happen, acceptance means embracing the present, both good and bad in order to shape the future. It also does not mean that we can not think about the loved ones. Out of sight does not mean out of mind. Our current “present” has been touched by the loved one’s life.


We can reflect upon all the good times and cherish the real ways the loved one has softened our presence and our future. Re-member also that coping with the loss of someone or something you loved is one of life’s biggest challenges. You may associate grieving with the death of a love one, which is often the cause of a most intense type of grief, but remember that any loss can cause grief. This can include a divorce, the loss of health, losing a job, loss of financial stability, a miscarriage, retirement, the death of a pet, of a cherish dream, serious illness of a loved one, the loss of a friendship, the loss of safety fol-lowing a trauma and even the sale of a family home.


All subtle losses in life can trigger a sense of grief. You might grieve, after leaving away from home or graduating from college or even changing jobs. What-ever your loss might be personal to you -or believe that it only appropriate to grieve for certain things. Whether a personal, animal, relationships or situation is important and significant to you, it is normal to grieve the loss you are experiencing.


Whatever the cause of our grief, there are healthy ways in which you can cope with the pain, that in time, can ease your sadness and help you to come to terms with your loss. Find a meaning and eventually move on with your life.


Grieving is a highly individual experience; there is no right or wrong way to grieve. How you grieve de-pends on factors such as your personality, your life experience, your faith, your coping style and how significant the loss was for you.


Remember that grieving is a process that takes time and be sure to be patient with your-self.

The Following is a quote concerning grief:


“God has not promised peace with out pain, Joy without sorrow, nor sun without rain, but He has promised strength for the day, grace for the trials, and light for the way.”

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